Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Help me..



i.. really need help..

im dieing from inside..

some day.. i;ll go to bed like.. any normal human do.. but i wont be able to wake up forever...

when normaly ppl feel bad and .. duno what to do.. they drink till getting drunk...
to make every thing good for a while..

for me.. i complain... to my firends.. about.. whatever bothers me..

but now.. at this moment i duno what to say anymore.. im falling apart i cant.. take it.. everything inside of me is.. just wrong...

*Takes a deep breath...*
it all started last night...

i wanted to watch barnyard with my sisters.. only 2 watches with me " amna 9 year old " tomdead "17"

and my evil morn sis pod came and told her to go to sleep..
normaly watch over 12 cuz im busy b4..
b4 yesterday we were watching but tomdead asked tommorw wich was yesterday
but then she left me with amna watching dvd.. obeying the moron sis orders.. , she picked the movie.. i wanted charil in chocolate factory..
she said no.. and b4 it even began "barn yard " she left...

i waited 2 weeks just to watch the dvd's i burend so badly... it was my sisters exams i kept telling my self everyday to wait , and i never like watching alone

so yesterday i said hell with them all i;ll start watching alone with amna.. shes only one whod come if i ask her too..

and ya we did..
and this morning we saw charil in chocolate factory..~ we ate chocolate too me and her , i really didnt care one bit about my other sisters , not anymore i really feel sick of them all

and while we were watching charile parites of crabian 2006 was burning so after it i said i;ll call tomdead she said she wants to watch it and toke me long to burn it cuz i didnt know how to burn a .DAA file.. but today was reading sites for 1 hour and knew how to buren it..

it finshed.. i called her , shes like " busy studying SAT " that exam shes studying for the 27th exam.. she failed b4

but i left her and went to watch with amna~ didnt really care and was not going to wait anymore.. feeling horbial for last night is enough

so ya.. we watched.. amna left to play with other sisters and cousin and ended up watching alone , didnt really care shes young.. , she kept coming back though

b4 15 mints from movie end.. my dad came back from work.. and saw me watchig hes like " who asked u to watch this ?" i said " dad its diesny .. its k " , hes like " i saw that and i dont want u to see it "
i lied. i said " no thats the old pairet of crabian the 2003 one u didnt see"
he was so mad..

i was scared.. i didnt how to lie more.. i didnt know it wasnt alowed.. there is nothing in it for god sake.. , he kept going upstairs and saying how mad he is and im not alowed to watch nor burn a movie without asking him......... who the hell thinks he is , my father never existed in this world hes never a father...

i cant see screen .. cant stop crying..
http://download-v5.streamload.com/0J5gWzdS~5u7c~T-S7~PqBH~IjBtzuwO6mHf/chu11/FileManager/Crying.amr?action=save
what doe he want... what more he wants....

he thinks i duno what adults do...
i know more than what he does.. i know all about sex and everying everyhting he keeps screaming at im going to do it in the futre.. im going to throw all what i wear.. walk naked in street if have too..

i got him all marks he wants , im being perfect i obey all rules for god sake , i just want to be treated adulty or whatever u call it......

i want to go out when i want to , i want to do what i want to do i dont want anyone to order me im 20... 20... 20...... 20...

my life.. will never countine the way u want dad...
even if im not good at runing away or even thinking the idea.... but wont be alive for long id die sooner or later... im killing my self by being so depressed so feeling down so unhappy.. so.. dead...

i just dont want mom hurt...

why is this family like this...

had to hold my self from crying for 45 min... everyone was around... but im feeling a bit well now.. i feel like breathing well a bit...


i duno what im writing anymore..

i;ll stop for now.. i worte what i wanted i guess..

2 comments:

cool0072007cool said...
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cool0072007cool said...
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