Saturday, January 27, 2007


Thank u palo ^_^~~~

what for :|?

For Being My 1 Month hoilday
^^; would have turned house upside down if worent for u!
really had nothing to do after i fisnehd buring the DvD's~

But Really Really Thank u~~~ i really had so much fun~~

Every time i got upset after last day i cried i rember ur online xD i can chat who care waht happens irl

yesterday b4 yesterday and today my parents went out and when they asked to go aunt house i said no i want to go this an that place yet they said they had importent stuff wich is a lie so just ignored didnt compalin they sucked all my hoilday

i;ll get my rights one day xP
im tired of feeling bad!

but im glad i did fun stuff with Palo! x3
mostly , chat chat chat xD hehe~~

Hope u liked the magic trick! sorry for sucking at mixing cards! xD

oh and there is this song iv been lisitng to all moring
The All-American Rejects It Ends Tonight
X3 want u to have it~ *Acting nice*

gomen tried uploading the video 100 times.. even on the uplload site but didnt work~
here it is as a link and under it is still youtube link dun need to click it if u dun want su


The Guy is so bishi xD *black haired guys fan "dark brownish xD " *
*ya is crazy chu*

Thanks again palo =) *hugs tight~~*

Good Luck on ur exams Desu!

Fighto ^_^/

Edited: "20:30 sunday"

Drew this in class 4 u as an extra Ty!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Anime palo x)


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Help me..

i.. really need help..

im dieing from inside..

some day.. i;ll go to bed like.. any normal human do.. but i wont be able to wake up forever...

when normaly ppl feel bad and .. duno what to do.. they drink till getting drunk...
to make every thing good for a while..

for me.. i complain... to my firends.. about.. whatever bothers me..

but now.. at this moment i duno what to say anymore.. im falling apart i cant.. take it.. everything inside of me is.. just wrong...

*Takes a deep breath...*
it all started last night...

i wanted to watch barnyard with my sisters.. only 2 watches with me " amna 9 year old " tomdead "17"

and my evil morn sis pod came and told her to go to sleep..
normaly watch over 12 cuz im busy b4..
b4 yesterday we were watching but tomdead asked tommorw wich was yesterday
but then she left me with amna watching dvd.. obeying the moron sis orders.. , she picked the movie.. i wanted charil in chocolate factory..
she said no.. and b4 it even began "barn yard " she left...

i waited 2 weeks just to watch the dvd's i burend so badly... it was my sisters exams i kept telling my self everyday to wait , and i never like watching alone

so yesterday i said hell with them all i;ll start watching alone with amna.. shes only one whod come if i ask her too..

and ya we did..
and this morning we saw charil in chocolate factory..~ we ate chocolate too me and her , i really didnt care one bit about my other sisters , not anymore i really feel sick of them all

and while we were watching charile parites of crabian 2006 was burning so after it i said i;ll call tomdead she said she wants to watch it and toke me long to burn it cuz i didnt know how to burn a .DAA file.. but today was reading sites for 1 hour and knew how to buren it..

it finshed.. i called her , shes like " busy studying SAT " that exam shes studying for the 27th exam.. she failed b4

but i left her and went to watch with amna~ didnt really care and was not going to wait anymore.. feeling horbial for last night is enough

so ya.. we watched.. amna left to play with other sisters and cousin and ended up watching alone , didnt really care shes young.. , she kept coming back though

b4 15 mints from movie end.. my dad came back from work.. and saw me watchig hes like " who asked u to watch this ?" i said " dad its diesny .. its k " , hes like " i saw that and i dont want u to see it "
i lied. i said " no thats the old pairet of crabian the 2003 one u didnt see"
he was so mad..

i was scared.. i didnt how to lie more.. i didnt know it wasnt alowed.. there is nothing in it for god sake.. , he kept going upstairs and saying how mad he is and im not alowed to watch nor burn a movie without asking him......... who the hell thinks he is , my father never existed in this world hes never a father...

i cant see screen .. cant stop crying..
what doe he want... what more he wants....

he thinks i duno what adults do...
i know more than what he does.. i know all about sex and everying everyhting he keeps screaming at im going to do it in the futre.. im going to throw all what i wear.. walk naked in street if have too..

i got him all marks he wants , im being perfect i obey all rules for god sake , i just want to be treated adulty or whatever u call it......

i want to go out when i want to , i want to do what i want to do i dont want anyone to order me im 20... 20... 20...... 20...

my life.. will never countine the way u want dad...
even if im not good at runing away or even thinking the idea.... but wont be alive for long id die sooner or later... im killing my self by being so depressed so feeling down so unhappy.. so.. dead...

i just dont want mom hurt...

why is this family like this...

had to hold my self from crying for 45 min... everyone was around... but im feeling a bit well now.. i feel like breathing well a bit...

i duno what im writing anymore..

i;ll stop for now.. i worte what i wanted i guess..

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Pvs [0]

Some anime pv's <3

Jyu Oh Sei ending PV

^^ one of my fav anime songs

Anime Ending

Black lagoon Opening

loved this anime x3 watched it with palo~ yesterday we saw last ep ;.; 24..
hope there is a third sesone for the anime *_*

Black lagoon PV


Monday, January 08, 2007

In My Dreams~ 01

Um last night i had this dream ~~
well more like a nightmare than a dream
wanted to write it down so wont forget again but i did forget a little part of it but oh well~ i;ll just write down the parts i remember
i was searching for a place i dont know where exactly , suddenly im in a shopping mall then i went down stairs and ended up watching black lagoon , i was searching for that place i think
there were other girls watching
it was a big tv screen , the girls were arab girls wearing abaya but non kawaii~
funny the part that showed up in that episode is revy going all ecchi on rocko
and all girls said " est'3fer allah " i didn't mind it but i got bothered they toke remote and switched channel , i got pissed and got up , cant watch with such people

Reason i saw Revy Going all ecchi on rock : is because Palo always say they like each other xD and happened i dreamed of that act

suddenly i was in this trail a small one where on my left hand was grass and on my left one was wall and was on a car that was barely moving with some weird Chinese people some one was mean to me kept screaming , and i think we were chased after buy anther car who acturly is trying to get me , there is things that happened but i forgot what exactly did happen "

suddenly i reached this area was on edge of trail and under was a city "was more like we were in a high place" so i flew and i kept flying and under me was mosques and um buildings houses , suddenly im home and i was on ground and i got around our cars and craw was there [craw is a black cat] he was meowing for no reason as always yet scared suddenly ran away , i felt the bad guys did get to me so i had to fly again.. , but i couldn't from ground so had to go on car to jump on wall to get to a higher place so i can fly "sa8f el methalah mal el garag" and when i did i found a tissue a box of it
i picked it up and flew again "forgot to say it was night" so yes it was dark
i kept flying to no where and sky was clear and under me was nothing
i looked at the tissue box i toke and pulled one out
it had something drawn on it really cute it was this --> Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Reason i saw that : its cause i thought its cute and thats an avatar on a deviant art account i saw yesterday " "

anyway i heard noises behind me and i felt they r coming back again
i didn't look back i just continued flying forward cause if i looked back i;ll get scared and i;ll lose ability in flying

then suddenly im in this place was closed from all areas yet i was on top like i wasn't on ground , its like a huge barn that was really tall in hight and under me was some machine it was black and it looked like this one --> Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
duno what this is called but thats how it was .
i kept flying around the closed barn and some how that machine kept going after me
i went in round that machine went round it self too , it kept copying every movement i did
i knew it was them the people who are after me then i went to one side of barn wall " i was still flying" and it was a window and was hard to open but i opened it and went to the other side of the closed place
it was a garage for cars and in front of it was emirates mall [emirates mall is the mall in Dubai -UAE ]
and i stopped flying when i got in garage and went to ground and ran into mall way
there was police there and they were getting everyone out saying its military orders
there were allot of people around i couldn't be recognized even if the bad people were near me i went in though it was hard.. cuz they were everywhere getting people out and i was going opposite direction , i thought if i can hide some where would be easy
then i saw a group of girls they were more like models or something
they didn't speak english i don't know what language they were speaking but i tried talking to them and asked them to help me cosplay to look different , i toke a hair wig and some skirt and clothes that was in one of the areas they were standing , and there was this guy who kept bothering to tell them to go out faster and its orders
i didn't want them to leave id be left behind i wanted help so id look different so people wont know who i am
suddenly this Chinese girl bumped into me saying " ur the girl from before right? " i said " yes.. i am " she said " i really hoped id get to see you again ^^ etc" and i did meet her before , its part of dream i forgot i cant remember how and when but she was nice
i asked her to help me i need to hide my self.. i toke her to a bathroom and closed the door i said to her " listen.. u know the girl they are searching for its me , they wantt o kill me and i want to dress up different so i can run away help me"
some people kept bothering knocking on door and stuff and i just toke her to a corner some where else and i put a skirt on and i put hair wig on and the hair wig was of a short brown yellow mixed hair color with a red um hair front lefter thing i duno whats it called too
the Chinese girl came and left my hair from back and helped me close it and hide it under the fake hair "it was breaded in dream ^^; "

Reason it was breaded : because in real life that night before i went o sleep when i went to dinner with family i was thinking if i should bread it or leave it normal pony tail , in the end i left it normal pony tail so i think thats why i dreamed it was breaded

and we were about to finish i even wore gloves and boots , i looked so different i think i tried to put a scarf on then i threw it away saying no they'll know me if i put a scarf on and i remembered its a dream and in dreams i can do what i want
suddenly they closed doors saying people who are in can not go out anymore
and they started shotting people around no matter who you are
some started hiding , i had a moment of being invisible like i can see them but they cant see me , it happens just for moments in my dreams then i appear again
and b4 i appeared i was looking at the leader of them he was bush some how i duno
maybe him maybe some one who looked like him , and all men around him were in black suits and his phone rang [the guy who looked like bush]
and he picked it up and said " yes sir don't worry everyone here are fine , we are still searching for that girl" and he talked as if he didn't kill anyone from the people in the mall who were not suppose to die because they are not me
and i knew after he finds me an kills me he'll tell the mall owner and people who died parents that i killed them and he killed me to stop the massive killing i was doing "wich isnt real"
then i appeared again and at the same time the Chinese girl came in she jumped as if shes a pro 'o' who knows in fighting there were other people with her but hiding around mall walls and stairs
suddenly that bush guy said " kill them ^^ "
that girl told me to jump
we were in a bit high place and under us were stairs and empty space
i had hard time in jumping cause i was scared xD
i really lose ability in moving when im scared in dreams
so i manged to do so , and the black suit men kept shooting but we manged to escape
ah i flew after jumping , and the Chinese girl pointed at a garage are we should get out from that side
we did , when we entered the garage are , there was allot allot of old Chinese people , i didn't see any young ones but they didn't like seeing me nor the chinese girl flying , they were looking at us in evil look , we kept flying trying to get our selves lost in the crawed of people there
we reached a shop~ a small one that was on first floor of the grange area , when me and the Chinese girl entered we heard the lady owner of the Chinese shop talking on her cellphone saying " yes sir i;ll let u know if i saw anyone who is wired acting "
she looked at me when i got in the shop , i felt scared but tried not to act different other than a normal person who came to shop
and the Chinese girl was moving around the entrance door for the shop , that made the lady of shop call the evil people , and the Chinese girl told me " hurry they are coming"
at hat time i had a teddy bear thing in my hand thought it was cute an wanted to buy it , left it and was going out where the evil ppl came and they started shotting again"
here is where i woke up ^^;
it was 5 am in the morning when i woke up @@
i woke up saying "what a dream ==; "
and i knew each part of it and why i dream it
i said to my self its things i see in real life or think of and happen then i dream it
for example

Craw [the cat]: because yesterday i asked my sisters where he was and i didn't see him
The tissue: its from the avatar i thought its cute
Emirates mall: was thinking to shop there for stuff~~ "yesterday"
people in mall dieing all of them: its because palo "my friend ^^ " said yesterday that in 24 episodes everyone dies , so i guess i dreamed that everyone dies in mall even if no reason

hair bread : cause i wanted to do so and happen it was breaded in dream

oh and there is this part of dream where i was running from evil people and ended up in mens bathroom and i was searching for pj , found him and i toke him in corner of bathroom to tell him something "and wanted him to come with me too"
i couldn't talk to him cuz other men/boys in bathroom were like "owwwww there is a girl in our bathroom" so they went all around pj and he told me something happened in this bathroom . i told him yes and i have a video taken of what happened that day in my cellphone , guys heard me an they wanted to see
it was from anther dream but happened it linked it self to this dream

the other dream i dreamed of was like 4 days or 6 days back
i was in that bathroom before and it was 2 side , the girls side and the boys side
there was only one bathtub and others are toilets with place to wash hand
there was this girl who said the water in the bathtub is so different from real watter and if u shower from it and u have back ache or anything that hurts in your body it cures it.
but i noticed there was a hole on wall and other side of wall was the mens bathroom and they were peeking
and noticed there were cameras hidden in bathroom walls too , i saw that once on the opera show thats why i dreamt of cameras hidden in bathroom ^^;
and i video typed the guys spying and some cameras and some girls were in video

and in the other dream the one i dreamed of where pj was , they seem like they closed the girls bathroom and was only for men and maybe they knew about what happened and wanted to see the video
and the guys were too annoying they were all around me i had to leave pj and ran away ;_;~

thats a part i dont know where it was exactly in dream , it was before i saw black lagoon for sure , its part of the forgotten dream .

ah i think thats all @_@
i got all lazy to write dream down though i wanted to so badly when i woke up~ i keep wanting to write my dreams to remember i dream of wired things when i grow up =)

^^~ jaa for now